The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Poem
by Anakin McFly
Summary: Far out in the vast uncharted reaches of, uh, space, There lived a group of creatures, known as the human race...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hitchhiker's. Not even the books, which I first started reading about a year ago.

As usual, I dedicate this fic to Douglas Noel Adams.

H2G2 has been a radio play, a book trilogy in five parts, a television show, a comic book, a bath towel and most recently a movie... I thought it was time for a poetry version. ;P I was inspired by my classmate, who three years ago converted the whole of _Star Wars: Episode One_ into a 240 line poem. She was only 12 or 13 then. I salute her.

**THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY**

Far out in the vast uncharted reaches of, uh, space  
There live a group of creatures, known as the human race.  
The _Guide_ declares them 'Harmless', so them you need not fear  
(They still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.)

These beings make their home on a planet called the 'Earth'  
An uncreative name indeed, for something of its worth.  
Many of these humans hold the glaring misconception  
That in terms of intellect, they are the ruling faction  
On Earth, at least, but unbeknownst to them, this isn't so  
The dolphins and the mice beat them to this eons ago.

The dolphins were, for one, aware that Earth's demise drew nigh  
So left for space one day and bid all humankind goodbye.  
They rose without a sound one night: there was no splash nor splish  
Their farewell message read, _So long, and thanks for all the fish_.

* * *

**To be continued...** Review! Please? 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the exclusive property of Douglas Noel Adams. But since he's dead, the fanfic writers get to run rampant and write strange things like this. 

Look! This one has more lines!

* * *

**The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Poem: Bit the second**

So that's the dolphins settled. Now we move to Arthur Dent,   
A rather ordinary guy, as far as humans went.   
He woke one morning feeling dazed and caught a glimpse of yellow   
Which puzzled him, for Arthur Dent was not too bright a fellow.   
"Yellow," Arthur thought, then went away to make some tea:   
His favourite drink by far, for of British blood was he. 

Outside was Mr. Prosser, straight-line descendant of Genghis Khan   
Who wanted to knock down Arthur's house. What a pity. Darn.   
He needed to build a bypass; Arthur's home was in the way   
It looked as though some bulldozing had to be done that day. 

This made ol' Arthur mad. He went to lie down in the mud   
To block the dozer's path. If he got squished, there would be blud.   
While the bulldozer itself would be damaged not at all,   
As Prosser calmly stated. But Arthur Dent still had the gall   
To keep on lying there; he was fully prepared to wait   
Until they left, and if they did not, to share his poor home's fate. 

Meanwhile, Arthur had a friend. His name was Ford Prefect   
Supposedly from Guildford, but who really was, in fact,   
An alien from a planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse Six   
A planet now destroyed, where he'd gone by the name of Ix.   
Like the dolphins, Prefect knew, of Earth's coming destruction   
It needed to be blown up to make way for the construction   
Of an interstellar bypass by the alien Vogon race   
To cut down on the time it took to move from place to place.

* * *

To be continued...

* * *

Thanks to **HyperCaz, My Requiem, Crossbow** (yeah, but this poem's based on the book), **evilphrog, Deranged Lunatic** (here it is!), **Demus, Kayu Silver** (hey, aren't these already actual rhymes? ;P), **MOQ** (but they both rhyme with 'tion'...), **Middle-Earthian** (my friend who wrote the Star Wars poem also did The Hobbit. It was about four or five pages long, Times New Roman font size 11. But the rhyming started to die after a while), **Ariana the musical genius, whiteangelviv** (this chapt has 24 lines. And I don't think I'll be finishing this poem anytime soon, so don't worry. ;P) and **IsotaperRoolz** (okay, the next chapter's here, so don't thump me.) for reviewing! 


	3. Chapter 3, how creative

Disclaimer: Hitchhiker's belongs to a dead guy. Not me. 

Longest chapter so far... 

**BIT THE THIRD**

Morning slowly turned to lunch and things had settled down   
'Twas Arthur's role to squelch as he lay on the muddy ground   
Demanding every now and then for some strange thing or other   
Such as for a good book or his lawyer or his mother. 

'Twas Prosser's role meantime to lecture Arthur on the good   
Of building a new bypass, and therefore why he should   
Get off the ground, and get a life, and bid his house goodbye   
Wait for the bypass to be built, then watch the cars pass by. 

Just about then, Ford came by and stared down at his friend.   
"Hello, Arthur. Busy? 'Cause the world's about to end."   
"No, not really," Arthur said, voice dripping with sarcasm   
He gave a squelch down in the mud and this line doesn't rhyme.   
"There's just all these bulldozers and stuff that I've got to block   
"For if I move, ol' Prosser here would then proceed to knock   
"My house down. So yes, I'm quite free, why do you want to know?"   
Prefect remained unperturbed. "Because we've got to go." 

"Where?" "To the pub." "Whatever for?" "The world's about to end."   
The logic there, poor Arthur Dent could just not comprehend.   
The pub was where you purchased drinks, most likely alcohol   
He couldn't see how being drunk would help the world at all. 

Ford and Prosser struck a deal, one based on messed up sense   
Since Prosser wanted Arthur gone, Ford would help dispense   
His friend off to the pub, and in return Prosser would lie   
Down in the mud in Arthur's place, and watch the clouds float by. 

The pub was where Ford then revealed the truth of his existence   
Arthur Dent accepted it with marvellous low resistance   
Learning that his best friend was an alien from Out There   
Just did not affect him much, and all he did was stare.   
It had to be a Thursday, Arthur reasoned in his mind   
He'd never got the hang of 'em. But Arthur was to find   
His day about to get a whole lot stranger very soon   
Thus making this a seriously peculiar afternoon.

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

Thanks once again to **HyperCaz** (Okay, more is being posted), **Demus** (dodgy rhyming? According to my friend, it was the rhythm that was dodgy), **MOQ** (nope, both sound like shun), **Ariana the musical genius** (thanks for reviewing!), **evilphrog** (yeah, I'm pretty sure it's blood too, but blud sounds funnier), **Deranged Lunatic** (hope it's longer now), **IT** (heheh. ;p Okay, more here) and **get hi on life** (here you go.) for reviewing. ;D 


	4. The fourth chapter, this is

I still don't own the rights to _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. (However, I just bought the book from my school bookshop with a $5 voucher and 20 percent off discount, which added up to me paying exactly only half-price for it.)

In keeping with the time-honoured H2G2 tradition of none of its incarnations being loyal to each other, this poem will not always follow canon exactly.

So here goes...

* * *

**The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Poem: Bit the Fourth**

A crashing sound approached the pub, and Arthur got a fright  
Glancing out the window, he sensed something was not right.  
"What was that?" "Your house, I guess," said Ford with extreme calm  
The words sank in, and Arthur whacked his forehead with his palm.  
"Ford, what am I doing here?" "You're drinking beer." "I see."  
Dent ran out of the pub's front door, hands waving frantic'ly.

Ford bought some peanuts.  
Then he went after his friend.  
Hitchhiker's haiku. ;P

Dent stumbled madly through the grass, up to the hill where lay  
Remains of Arthur's house, which had been bulldozed down that day.  
"PROSSER!" Arthur yelled, "I swear I'll murder you for this!  
"And chop you into tiny bits and dunk them in my piss!  
"And all the rest of you as well! I'll... hit you... very hard...  
"And dice you into little cubes and JUMP on them! ...Oh, _crud_."

A shadow fell, and it could not quite get back up again  
Thus darkening the landscape of that peaceful English plain  
"_What the _-beep-_ is that_?" he hollered, pointing at the sky  
Staring at huge yellow things that screamed real loudly by.

Around the world the people ran about the place in panic  
Dashing into homes and out again with motions frantic  
Screaming at the sky and at the ground and at the air  
Then running off real fast to do it all again elsewhere.

Their actions, though, were pointless, for they wouldn't help one bit  
There's no escaping mankind's fate when Planet Earth gets hit  
By the ruthless force of bulldozers, sent down from outer space  
And it's really sad, the way I keep on rhyming 'space' with 'race'.

* * *

**To be continued.**

To **killer zombie girl** (Okay, I did), **Deranged Lunatic** (Thanks! ;P Wish DNA were still here... he used to read fanfic), **HyperCaz** (thanks for reviewing!), **Demus** (all right, more here!), **nevermore wish** (boycott Harry Potter fanfics? Why? Not that I read them much...) and **Faceplant 02** (Heheh. Nice idea for that line.), thanks for reviewing!


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